“I believe the choice to become a mother is the choice to become one of the greatest spiritual teachers there is.” – Oprah
Happy Mother’s Day!
This year, with women’s rights being attacked, whether a woman chooses to have children or not, she is self-determined to know what is right for her body. The root of patriarchal oppression is the control of women’s reproductive role and how this is defined and controlled.
I feel very strongly about this. It is a form of misogyny enabling men to control women’s bodies. There is no equality without reproductive rights. Abortion allows women to protect what is sacred in life.
Women’s bodies are respected as reflections of the life-giving and transformative powers of the Sacred Feminine. Becoming a mother involves learning how to take care of our bodies and control our fertility, saying yes to new life if we want a family, and saying no if we must terminate a pregnancy.
Motherhood is a sacred responsibility not taken lightly. But it is ours to choose and live with (and hopefully, we have a responsible partner who makes this easier, not more difficult).
Even though the women’s movement has made great strides since the time of our mothers, we still face gender-based discrimination, abuse, and unrealistic expectations. Bringing balance between the patriarchal culture and our ideals, we realize that the personal is political.
Invisible Roots
“How might your life have been different, if there had been a place for you, a place of women? A place where other women, somewhat older, had reached out to help you as you rooted yourself in the earth of the ancient feminine….” –Judith Durek
Though I acknowledge that the culture at large plays a significant role in our views of ourselves as women, ultimately, the beliefs and behavior of our mothers exert a far more substantial influence.
No doubt our lives have invisible roots. We are all shaped by the hidden experiences of our mothers. As women, we carry our mothers’ inherited wisdom, strengths, and wounds from our grandmothers in our motherline who came before. Our bodies and our beliefs about ourselves are formed in the soil of our mother’s emotions, beliefs, and behaviors. Even before birth, our mother provides us with our first nurturing experience.
The primary and primal connection that marks the beginning of our existence is our mother. In most cases, she’s the first to teach us the dictates of the larger culture. And if her beliefs are at odds with the dominant culture, our mother’s influence almost always wins.
In modern psychology, it is universally recognized that the mother, being multiple complexes of close, long-term, and emotionally rich interpersonal relations, bears in itself the actual conditions of self-awareness and formation of the personality as a whole.
The Light and Shadow of Mother
The archetype of Mother energy calls forth a woman’s creative power to birth, sustain, and renew life — whether it is a child, a project, a garden, or an idea. The Mother energy also honors death when necessary and initiates us into sacrifice (i.e., to make sacred), surrender, transformation, and transmutation.
We, in our collective consciousness, romanticize mothers. She is idealized as the nurturing, selfless caretaker who protects and provides for her children while sacrificing herself. Our cultural myths about motherhood are that all women are nurturing, that mothering is instinctual, not learned, and that all mothers love their children unconditionally.
The reality is that human mothers are not perfect. Because they are human, they have shadows.
Many girls grow up with the profound wounding of their mothers. Passed down from mother to daughter, the shadow Mother can cause a woman to be absent, ineffectual, angry, controlling, demanding, manipulative, and shame-inducing.
Whatever kind of mother we have or not had, we can heal our wounds to transmute them into life-affirming strengths. We can tap into our inner strengths and discover we have the qualities of the fierce feminine who teaches us the hard lessons of life.
Mother energy calls us to own our choices, to be the embodiment of the Sacred Feminine, to the nurturance of our physical life and the planet’s life. One of the most significant challenges to us as mothers is to allow our children and our creations to be what they are, which may not be perfect or healthy, or beautiful in a conventional way. I acknowledge my children are my greatest teachers.
Searching for Myself
Becoming a mother early in my adult life was life-changing for me. When I was a child, I decided that I would not mother like my own mother; after all, she was pretty much emotionally absent. I believed in my own maternal instincts and felt I could do it all.
So I chose to become a mother in my early 20s. I had the physical stamina to bounce back from pregnancy and prolonged delivery. I was eager to love and cuddle my baby and was comforted by his weight against my body.
As a young woman, my identity was that of the attuned nurturing mother. I idealized my role and embraced the archetypal Great Mother image of the Sacred Feminine. My view of motherhood as worthwhile, gratifying, and true to social expectations fueled my desire to be a good mother.
I hardly knew at the time that I was searching for my own identity and learning to mother myself while healing my personal mother wound. Mother initiations call us to transmute our mother wounds and look at how we have been, or not been, mothers to ourselves, our children, for all humanity. It is up to us women to heal the story forward for future generations.
Values that Nurture
It was clear to me then, as it is now, that I passionately believe in and care most deeply about the health and wellness of all of us and our fragile relationships with each other. Through women, we pass down a sense of self and those values that nurture and sustain the web of life.
My experience with the Sacred Feminine led me to empower women by facilitating women’s groups. Eventually, co-leading a Mother-Daughter Goddess Group, I intended to bring forth a sense of belonging grounded through rituals meant to anchor us with the universal feminine.
It was here in our Women’s Lodge; we learned the wisdom of women from other women. We explored the Great Goddess in her many cultural forms — both light and shadow in our ceremonies. We learned about keeping meaningful connections with the mysteries of life, our sisterhood, our daughters, and our families through the Sacred Feminine.
Dedicated and empowered unto myself, I discovered how women could empower each other and wanted more than anything to help other women who were mothers recover from the shame and the “not good enough” syndrome common to women.
Modern Mothers
Mothers today are not much different from other eras. They do their best within the zeitgeist of culture and their extended familial or social connections. It is often easier today for her not to lose herself in one dimension when she has the chance to explore all her potential and expand her circle of genuine help-mates.
Like mothers in the past, modern mothers still struggle to do it all. She works hard to ensure the kids are fed, clothed, and housed, often without partners. While taking care of children, cooking, cleaning, and laundry, it is easy for mothers at any age to become exhausted and overwhelmed.
Managing multiple roles presents mothers with a set of challenges and dilemmas. Nevertheless, strong cultural, social, and political traditions continue to make it extremely difficult for women to balance work and home responsibilities while working to advance a career.
Many mothers do not have the time or energy to understand why they feel conflicted, anxious, or sad. As a result, they push aside their feelings and do the best they can, day after day after day. I know, I can relate.
Clashing expectations take a toll. Without support, a mother lives on the edge between guilt and shame. Not only does she suffer, but so do her children. They usually grow up fast and before we know it, they are forging their own lives in the world.
Even though the women’s movement has made great strides since my mother’s time, mothers still face gender-based discrimination, abuse, and unrealistic expectations. Outside of the home, mothers are routinely paid less than men for the same job, are penalized for taking maternity leave, and are discriminated against just because they have children.
Even with the best intentions, I discovered that mothering was a lot harder than I imagined. Becoming a single mother when my kids were small, managing businesses, committing to my education, and advancing my career, I always felt like I wasn’t doing enough.
The vulnerability I feared was that I would fail my children and my own expectations if I were to fall behind or not make good on my efforts. I hustled and sacrificed to balance each day and give my kids the love and attention they needed to grow into today’s adults.
I began to see my mother in a new light where I could make sense of her behavior. Cultivating compassion for our imperfections as women and mothers, I began to show up and be Love.
I am hopeful that we let go of unrealistic expectations and realize that the trial and error of mothering is a learning experience. A more appreciative perspective may inspire us to develop more extraordinary kindness toward our mothers, ourselves, and each other.
Magnesium for Mother’s Health
One of the most common issues for mothers is the chronic stress from being “on-call” all the time. There is often a connection between sleep deprivation caused by stress hormones, which depletes magnesium. If mothers do not have adequate magnesium levels, the body cannot relax and regulate excess cortisol and adrenaline.
Magnesium plays a crucial role in more than 300 different biochemical reactions each day. Symptoms of magnesium deficiency include irritability, fatigue, and muscle and joint pain. It is a vicious cycle for mothers who feel they can never catch up.
Magnesium is vital for women’s reproductive health before, during, and after pregnancy. It regulates muscular contraction, insulin metabolism, blood pressure, cardiac excitability, nerve transmission, and neuromuscular conduction. The right magnesium level will help the body be more supple, more resistant to fatigue, and better repair itself.
That’s why I created Fleur transdermal Magnesium Lotion. The ultra-rich lotion ensures magnesium can be delivered and absorbed straight into the body’s cells and tissues.
It is safe and gentle for pregnant and breastfeeding women, babies, and children to get the magnesium they need.
Used during pregnancy and post-partum months, magnesium eases muscular cramps, helps with deeper sleep, dispels irritability, low-level post-partum depression, and anxiety, reduces migraines and other pain syndromes, and overall supports a more relaxed body.
Giving the most important woman in your life one of magnesium therapy’s most powerful mineral relaxation gifts conveys how much you care. A Fleur gift lets her treat herself and nourish her skin with organic botanical essences that smell heavenly! Or, treat yourself to a soothing flower essence aromatherapy experience just because you deserve the love!
A Conversation with a Fleur Customer
I recently had an enlightening conversation with one of Fleur’s customers, Lara Elfstrand. She is a New Parent Sanity Specialist and Little Elf Family Services owner.
I want to give a shout-out to let you know about Lara’s incredible services for parents. Lara shared how much she loves to help parents “Fall in Love with Parenting – Together!” She offers coaching and regular online classes.
Lara is also the inspiration behind Fleur Magnesium Lotion. This is what she had to say:
“I really love Magnesium Lotion with the Inspiration aroma – it’s amazing! The aroma reminds me of the orange groves of southern California with extra muskiness because of the sandalwood and jasmine.
I use the magnesium lotion every night before I go to sleep. I’ve found that it helps me sleep deeper and feel more rested, and I love how it smells! I track my sleep with my Apple Watch, and it shows more deep sleep when I use the right amount… not too much and not too little. It makes me feel cared for and rejuvenates my body at the same time!”
– Lara Elfstrand
Thank you, Lara, for sharing your inspiration, passion, and wisdom with me. Your nurturing light is a gift to many parents!
Please check out Lara’s Little-elf website to learn more about how she may help new parents position themselves for lasting success before bringing their baby home.
Becoming Wise Women
Women worldwide are on a spiritual mission to recover and reclaim the Sacred Feminine and accept themselves in the process. Navigating the journey of motherhood eventually matures us. Becoming a mother is a powerful landmark that initiates us toward becoming wise, giving meaning to our lives.
As a grandmother, I wouldn’t change a thing about my mothering life. Regrets, maybe. I love being a nurturing mother, connected to my granddaughters who may carry on my lineage.
My struggle as a woman and mother has evolved me, shaping me into the woman I am today. I better understand developmental idealisms that drive society and those maternal expectations that limit or contribute to our greatness. I have greater compassionate awareness that the path any of us chooses is a personal one, especially to become a mother.
Later in my mother’s life, we reconciled, although it was when she began her journey with Alzheimer’s Disease. The love I feel in my heart is alive with gratitude because the moments we shared were sweet, meaningful, and caring. Our mutual “I love you’s” spoken with a heartfelt presence revealed my mother’s truly loving spirit.
Last but not least, I’d like to pay tribute to all the influential mothers before me who have shared their wisdom and been inspirational to me. My beautiful friend and surrogate mom, Maggie Smith, you have helped me shine the light of awareness into my shadows through gentle reminders that I am enough!
Celebrating Motherhood
Ultimately, a mother’s heart will never be her own. Motherhood, mothering, and becoming a wise woman is a process of struggle, acceptance, and celebration throughout the lifespan.
I celebrate my daughter Ary in her extraordinary mothering of three very active kids. Although she juggles a lot and is tired most of the time, my heart is filled with pride for seeing that she is doing her best as a mom with all the love in her heart. I acknowledge her mothering love and the energy she gives to care for her family every day. She is a wonder and an inspiration!
May your hearts continue to burst with love and gratitude for the privilege of being a daughter!
For All mothers everywhere, Happy Mother’s Day!
All my aromatic love,
Vidya
